If you really have to go

If you are on Vittal Mallya road on a 2 wheeler and really have to pee, what would you do? As any Bangalore male with self respect, I instinctively started thinking of an open area/wall where I could pee. The first and the only place that came to my mind was Cubbon Park. However, there are multiple reasons why you cannot pee in Cubbon park.

• You cannot trust anyone these days - Gone are the days when adult males would stop their scooters/mopeds without turn turning them off, go to the wall adjacent to the road and pee in peace. That (supposedly funny) cliched movie scene in almost every Indian language in the climax where the hero steals one such scooter is not so unimaginable anymore. Of course, the chain of larceny that follows is still, luckily, bullshit.
• Cops hide in random places - Ever since that new commissioner dude made the rule that cops cannot stop anyone who has not broken a law, cops have started hiding in the weirdest of places. Now, they are not only hunting for offending drivers, but also for unsuspecting couples with no money to go to a hotel for the night, unemployed/lazy people who cannot think of a better place to sleep than the park, Vataal Nagraj supporters and sometimes, people who are half done peeing. In the event that you get caught, however, do not pay more than 50 bucks. That is the standard bribe rate for most petty offences. Also, do not forget to say "Saar, student saar. Please saar" irrespective of how old you are.
• Dogs have a tendency to bite - There aren't that many dogs in Cubbon park, but I have seen an odd dog here and there behaving, well, odd. And of course, snakes bite too and there are plenty of them in the park. But, I would say, be more careful of the dogs. Snakes bite you, you die. Dogs bite you, you take a lot of painful injections and not die.
• It gets windy sometimes - Most men who have been to windy places can tell their experience about peeing there. Its not fun if you are not into having pee all over your legs. Murphy likes playing cruel jokes as well. Things would be completely calm and still and the moment you start, so does he and the wind blows right into you. Its not fun.
• People apparently care - Last but not the least, there are people who apparently do not approve of this right of men being able pee anywhere in public. They, apparently, also have a habit of hanging around in Cubbon Park protesting one thing or the other. They as well tend to work with the hiding cops sometimes. Only, they do not get a cut in the (hopefully) 50 bucks. Sad bunch really, but pretty dangerous. They sweat these simple things. 

Anyway, given these constraints and the fact that there was no other option within 3 KM range, I went to Mocha, ordered a coffee and used their restroom.

Now, why was I there on Vittal Mallya Road and what happened in Mocha is a different post. The question Why did I want to pee might come up in the more curious reader. The curious reader might want to try out drinking 2 liters of water just before leaving her house.

PS: 12.34% of people who read this blog actually thought I pee against trees and walls in the city whenever I get a chance