I don't like him that way

I am an ambivert. About 5 years back, I was an ambivert. Going into my engineering college, I dint expect to meet nice people straight off. In fact, I knew I would end up meeting people trying to put up an act to prove to everyone else that they are the best left, right and center. And everyone else, I knew, would go, "I see your 'I can play a Guitar' card and I raise you by, (the ultimate mind you) 'I got 400th rank in CET'" etc. But what I saw in RV was a totally different scene.

It was exactly along the said lines, only, in an astronomically bigger scale! What I saw, I couldn't comprehend. What I heard, I couldn't assimilate. I was totally lost in an ocean of inferiority complex for no apparent reason. I became completely silent - the cynic in me dying to spit at stupid people but the stupid person in me stopping me from spitting at them. It became an almost deadly conflict, being torn apart between my split self. I will talk about it some other time.

Today, however, I would like to narrate an incident that happened on the 2nd day of college, that easily forgettable Friday it was, when I seemed to be acting as if I wanted to show everyone I was superior. In fact, it was me being normal. I am sure you, my regular reader, would in fact agree with me when I saw I was actually innocent when I did what I did. And what I did was this:

It was MG's class. Basic Electronics. Every lecturer in the first year has this annoyingly bad habit of asking people to introduce themselves. A very lengthy, slow and boring process. We already had done that with, I think, 54.5 other lecturers (I consider that chemistry lecturer as being only half human). I remember being totally irritated. Everyone would stand up, say who they are (unfortunately no one said why they are who they are), where they are from, their earlier schooling and why they are in this college. I can understand everything else, but what the fuck were all the lecturers thinking about asking everyone why were they there? And being the imaginative reader that you are, I am sure you can imagine that everyone went - "I want to become a good software engineer". Some people were like, "RV is the premium engineering college. I want to be placed in a nice company." Then you had some who went, "Its cool. I could've gone into Electronics, but dint". I thought, "That's it. I cant take this shit anymore". When my chance came, I got up and said, "I want to put Bill Gates out of business" and promptly sat down as if it was what I did everyday just before having my breakfast. And the next class, I think it was the first English class, I went "Oh my favorite subject? Theoretical Quantum Physics". I did in fact like it and had geeked out completely on it. But I did say it as a joke on everyone who were being totally banal.

Unfortunately, some Biharis find it difficult to get a joke. And one of them was, our very own, Manmeet Jha. Now, this was the kind of person your mom had in mind when she warned you about not talking to strangers on road when you were young. After about a week, I was coming back from my first game at the RV Basketball court and this guy pounces on me from nowhere and takes my hand and pulls me into the hostel complex. Gautam, who was with me, was dumbfounded and later I found out that he was just standing outside not knowing what to do. Meanwhile, this guy was leading me to his hostel room, where he said he had a big poster of Bill Gates. I remember mumbling that I dint particularly like Bill Gates, especially not in that way. But he looked like a guy who dint take no for an answer. And why should he? He had to live up to the expectations his looks generally built up. Finally a mess boy stopped me from going in because I dint live there. And after apologizing to both of them, I just hurried back without looking back. After that day, I used to be in a big group of people whenever I saw him. I just managed to live to tell this story. I will talk about the other Bihari some other time.

I think one's life is all about people. Most of the things you remember are with respect to people around you - how different people are from you and what motivates them to do what they do. A friend reminded me of this post I had written an year ago. It is fun to read my own posts from way back. More posts on my college days soon to come.

Cool Crayon Game

Insanely nice game. Very good. In fact, please go there now and download it. 5.43 MB of worth it stuff. I finished it in 2 hours. How much time did you take? Just the demo version I mean. Real fun. Can't wait for the full version to come out.

Assorted and 23

Modi will rule again. Bitch.

Wildcraft seems to be hiring like hell. Every where I see these days, there are people carrying bags which say "Wildcraft" on them.

I turned 23 yesterday - 23rd December, 2007. First time ever. It was a good feeling. Though, I felt exactly the same on 22nd and feel the same today, the 24th. Ergo, I always feel good. I cut a cake for the first time ever, illegally in Barista on MG Road, with 3 of my closest friends alive. I have platonic relationships with all of them - 2 guys, good for me and a girl, unfortunately. (I like to digress a bit. The second most cheesiest pick up line according to me - "Would you like to have a non-platonic relationship with me?" Cheesiest - "I have brotherly feelings towards you"!) The 2 guys were the nice good friends as they always are and the girl, beautiful, elegant and well, but a lot, spoken as she always is. I had a wonderful time, having been given good flowers! The thing is I am as literate about flowers as most of you are about "The effects of capitalistic regime of 19th century Britain on the erstwhile USSR, if any". If you in fact are literate about "The effects of capitalistic regime of 19th century Britain on the erstwhile USSR, if any" can you please tell me where can I find Fox, as in 20th century Fox, on a map?

I got a Nokia N81 mobile from my family. A sweater from my friends. I went shopping for 3 hours, no less, on Saturday to buy clothes and bought some very interesting clothes. One even made my dad go, "What the hell is this?" Somethings are always satisfying.

I am !Social

Well, turns out I am a total outcast. I am rendered useless in social gatherings. I am screwed.

Yesterday, I was at a friend's place for her birthday party. I arrived a bit early and she had to guide other "lost souls" to her so-way-up-in-Bangalore-North-that-I-pity-her house. Now is the right time that you, as a friend/kind soul/evil serial killer/potential lover/random dude, know that I am very informal in almost everything. I talk, sit, act informally, with total disregard to what the socially accepted norms are for, say, small talk with elders. I am very "lean" in my thinking at least(evil people) and hence believe formality in such things is totally unnecessary. I know this and hence am generally silent, sitting with a sheepish smile whenever there is a big function at house etc. Here, unfortunately, I couldn't do that. And before I knew, the all too famous incessant questioning started. Like I said, screwed.

Excerpt from the freakishly weird conversation I had: (I was the one acting freakishly weird of course)

Uncle: So, Pavan, where does your father work?
Me: Well uncle, he works for the, Aaah (Aaah, a simple one. I know this one. Let me see, he doesn't work in the army, navy, IRS, bank.... Oh wait, let me not eliminate stuff, I have this cached. How lame, its obvious that I would have cached it. Speaking of which, caching domain objects on thick clients may become real evil. Do I want to cache stuff when I don't need to? Is it right to over engineer? Is it all worth it? Does it matter?)
Uncle: Do you need some water kid? You look, ah, angry and also sad... Are you alright?

Well, it was not that bad, but it sure was weird. I took an unusually long time to answer back properly. But I somehow managed to talk through without incidents. This at a friend's place. I cannot imagine how I would scale up to meeting prospective in-laws!

Then when everyone else came, I was totally in for a bigger surprise. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BOLLYWOOD! I thought I knew more than enough, but the way in which things were being discussed I felt like a total doophus from another planet who just knows how to sheepishly smile for hours, without any emotions.

Excerpt:

Some Girl: Upen Patel is soo cute. He dances so well. But once he opens his mouth, he is a total loser.
Me: Who is Upen Patel?
Almost Everyone: (after laughing for more than an appropriate length of time into my face) You don't know who Upen Patel is? You know that China town song?
(Having stuck with a brilliant idea)
Me: sudo Who is Upen Patel?
Everyone: WHAT??
Me: Never mind..

So, the kind of things that I could talk about without appearing to be an alien robot with a sheepish smile may be XKCD, basketball, dependency injection and example based testing. Right now that is. And oh, music. May be even about Letters to Penthouse, though I don't remember much these days. I must start unlearning certain things from my new company.

Meanwhile, you can
1) Read this nice one from Gagan,
2) Design a Data Structure which has O(1) complexity for push, pop and min operations.

Yippee

Where would I be if it weren't for this!

I Inspire!

One of my earliest best friends, Raghu, a regular I must add, has started his own blog. He, allegedly, was inspired by me. So, you can read his blog here.

I almost broke my right elbow. I am OK now though.

22 and going

Dear World,

How are you? I will not comment about how I am right now. I wanted to know, why are you filled with imbeciles, ignorants and people who lack judgment? Can't you, say, annihilate them? Is it against your policy to "take care" of certain people? Well, do think about it.

Thanks. For nothing.

Yours,
Pavan

Something has been happening from quiet some time now. I have been asked by an elderly priest, God rest his soul now, to call my younger brother for something, when in fact he was referring to my elder brother who is 4 years older than me! I have been asked by 3 different people on different occasions if I was 25/28 years old. Sometime back when I called a friend, some other person picked up my call and asked me, twice mind you, if I was my friend's, no less, Grandfather!

So, apparently, I look 25-28 and sound like I am 80. Thanks and bye for now.

In the Before...

December 4th 2006: I was pretty confident that day. I in fact had been to play basketball the previous day at National Games Village. Quiet far from my place and had an amazing time. I was mentally prepared and knew that this was it. Till then, I was pretty frustrated and pissed in life. The past 6 months had been a steady, and steep at places, downward ride. My work sucked. There were a lot of issues in general in life which I am sure will take me at least 5 days just to talk about, let alone type! I knew this was one thing that could cheer me up and as they say, "Desperate people are capable of desperate measures", I just set out that morning prepared for the worst.

That was the day of my ThoughtWorks interview. I was having a pathetic stint at my previous company. The worked sucked and I had fought with pretty much everyone that what ever they did was wrong and it can be made better. I realized only after it was too late that I wasn't in the right company to do that. I had a good set of friends at my previous company, but then, this wasn't college anymore.

That day itself was pretty eventless. I knew pretty much all the things they asked in the interviews. Whatever I stammered in answering, I know now, is not even expected out of freshers. So, I would say it went well. After an entire day in TW and especially after how I thought it went, I was really happy. I dint even care, on some level, if I TW dint select me because I knew then that I was right all along about a lot of things. The HR, Mrs.Maria Anita, said the whole thing went very well and that she would let me know in a couple of days. This was on a Monday. However, curiosity got the better of me and I called myself on Thursday and she said she will let me know the following day.

The next day I got a call asking me to go to TW that evening to negotiate terms. I was just flying the rest of day. I don't even know how long it took me to travel 28km on my bike to reach TW. It sometimes seems infinitely long and sometimes I don't think I felt it last for more than 3 minutes. When I reached there, I was asked for a number. Now, I had always thought about getting through TW. I never once, trust me, had thought about what next! I wasn't prepared even after I reached the office on that Friday evening. I gave a lame number and the HR was, lets just say, pleasantly surprised. But she had no idea that I would have joined there even if she offered me less than what I used to get at my previous company, peanuts. I singed the deal and agreed to join the following month.

And that was that. Sometimes, I go back to being as pissed and frustrated, either for valid or lame reasons, as I was during those days and I always try to remember that 28 km ride about which I don't actually remember much. I don't know if there is light always at the end of the tunnel, but then, I would be a fool not to try and light a bulb. I may succeed, I may not. But then, I can do only what I am good at. Trying to light bulbs when in a dark endless tunnel to see what next.